The Rant: I would like to thank all of my ex boyfriends today. Thank you for being d-bags (not the kind that Dolce & G make), so that I could better appreciate a good thing when I have it. Better yet, thanks for letting me make mistakes that my daughters can hopefully learn from, and thus not endure the same sort of heartbreak. Yes, ex boyfriends, here are the warped lessons you taught me….
* Stop Messing With The Nice Girl” Sometimes I think that psychologically imbalanced boys can sniff me out from a mile away. Maybe it’s because I have an open demeanor and smile a lot (which has led to a healthy amount of stalkers), or maybe because I have a really underused B-word reflex. I’ve had to actually practice how to behave more like a B, because sometimes it really is necessary. Whatever the reason, I may be easy pray, but once you push this gal too far… there is no going back. Light switch off. Door closed. Game over. I hope that one day my ladies can learn to be more cautious, to exercise their B-reflex, and (if in the least) have the self respect to always close that door when the person on the other side is undeserving.
* Guys Who Call Themselves Nice Guys Are Rarely Nice Guys: If he promotes himself as the nice guy- be warned. Nice guys finish last, yes, but boys masquerading as nice guys are almost always in the lead. And even if he is a closet nice guy who isn’t meant for you, or means well, or you can completely justify every slight wrong-doing/red-flag that comes your way throughout the dating process… why bother? Actions speak louder than words, and if words seem a bit to telling of future action, cut bait and save yourself the time. If he doesn’t want you in his future, his dreams, his plans, his hopes- than let him fulfill his ‘George Clooney alone with his pig’ fantasy, and wait for someone who does think you’re worth it. Isn’t single so much better than being the ‘for now’ date instead of the ‘forever’ date?
* Opposites Attract…Or Will Be Your Downfall: Opposing traits can be super cute and completely beneficial to a relationship. One of my best friend’s is loud, sassy, tatted, theatrical and short, while her hubby of 10 years is quiet, calm, clean-cut, chill and tall (they are my favorite real-life couple crush). But if any of those clashing traits are things you generally despise in people… it will be even worse when you’re many years down the road. For example, I am just too liberal, empathic, open-minded and hopeless romantic for my own good. Even though some of my besties are conservative, firm in their beliefs and level-headed, I could never date them in the long-term (hence being friends instead). Does that mean I am right and they are wrong? Heck no. But does it mean there is someone out there who gets the same desire to adopt kids of any race, to appreciate people of all religions, and to follow NPR obsessively? Yes. Hold out for the person who can [potentially be] completely wrong with you.
* Know Your Own Value: I know that my life is a lot to take on (my health, my girls, my lack of wealth or goat-containing dowry), but I am completely worth it. If someone doesn’t think so, than I don’t really want that person anyways. I am prone to apologizing about my “baggage” fairly often, but would I have it any other way? Would I have a world without my girls, or the mistakes I’ve made and learned from, or without those afore mentioned exes who scarred and bruised me throughout the process? Nope. Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am now. And who I am now is exactly who I want to be… and who doesn’t need a dude to make her feel otherwise.
In short? If my girls could grow up and learn one thing from momma, it’s that they should never be afraid to try. I’m happy I tried and failed, rather than never grew as a person. I’m happy I learned about faux-nice-guys and real-nice-girls and all the dangers in between. I’m happy I learned that I’m happy as a mom, a woman, a person, a professional… And really, that’s that.
So thanks ex boyfriends! Thanks for breaking my heart when I least expected it or never loving me in the first place or saying one thing but doing another. Why? Because now you get to be my ex boyfriend…and that’s definitely a good thing.
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