January 23rd, 2012
Families come in all sorts of packages…
* Column of the Week:
My parents have been married for 48 years.
My three eldest siblings (who like to showcase their seniority by narrowly controlling my life decisions in that “I’m pretending not to be in your business”, Brothers & Sisters, Parenthood kind of way) are going on 20, 18 and 18 years respectively. My older sister, who is closest in age to me and therefor inflicted the most psychological scarring overall, is going on her 4’th year of marriage but has a friendship with her husband like none I’ve ever seen.
After being raised Catholic for most of my life (overly fanatical Irish nuns and unstoppable layers of guilt included), marriage was always the most important thing in my existence. As the daughter of a former wedding planner, I grew up doing my homework in the rehearsal halls of countless ceremonies, salivating at the crinoline and ivory-coated imaginings of my own future union. By middle school, I had even plotted out my entire wedding with more vision than David Tutera, Martha Stewart and Kris Kardashian combined (involving a favorite lake of mine, barefoot attire and a concluding jump in the water before rock and Rum commence).
Yet despite my lifelong, deeply rooted connection to the meaning of marital vows and the significant lack of divorce within my lineage, life has always had other plans. And even though I wed at a very young age to a person I admittedly barely knew, I truly believed that my passion for the inviolability of nuptials could overcome anything. Sadly, this was not the case. As I move forward into the year of 2012, I suddenly find myself a single mother, a single woman, and without a single clue how to navigate my virtual world of journalism without the traditional domestic perspective.
Since I’ve been writing about my existence (and the highs and lows of my consequential relationships) since the age of 13, it seems natural to divulge all of the sordid details about why this was a right decision for our children, and why no amount of Catholic culpability, familial history or passion for matrimony could have otherwise made this a successful relationship. Yet even though this is my first column back on Makeover Momma after a brief hiatus (and a hot steaming bowl of “dish” is duly owed), I have one singular statement to make: no comment.
My children’s father and I used to take pride in the fact the we eloped in a fast, un-fashionable manner, with a substantial lack of candles, cake and basically anything my prepubescent self had imagined in my youth. And even though the conjugal life we created was never meant to be, the family that resulted from our vows will always and forever be the most beautiful, perfect, reverie-fulfilling success of my entire life. Did my childhood fantasies (and strange addiction to bridal TV) pan out in the long run? No, it most certainly did not. Yet now I find myself the proud mother of 2 unique, independent, loving, giving, generous beings that give me more completion than my heart could ever imagine or Jerry McGuire could ever describe.
Moms have friends? Who knew!
As mothers, it often seems impossible to stand up for ourselves and what we deserve. Despite our best intentions (and various re-runs of Oprah monologues), we consistently settle for second… and sometimes even last. We put our health, our interests, our opinions, our wants and our needs in the back of our minds, and tell ourselves that settling is simply the way that we can serve the role of motherhood best. Do I do this with my kids most days of the week (when daily bathing, meals involving more than coffee and string cheese, or conversational content not surrounding The Goodnight Show become a distant memory?) Yes, of course I do. My girls deserve every single part of my being, even if that means I haven’t found the time to put on a bra for half a decade.
Yet for now, I vote for not settling for second best. If being a good mother who puts my children first is what makes me happy, than so be it. But if realizing that I’d rather “fail” at something I cared about (or that I may not have proven many naysayers wrong from my past) leads me to a life of health, happiness and wholeness… than call me a failure.
I would rather fall flat on my face and make mistakes along the way, than give my girls an example of a woman who doesn’t deem herself worthy enough of being a complete person. So call me a letdown. Deem me a disappointment. Or give me a well earned “ I told you so”. But when push comes to shove, I know my little ones will go forward in this world with more love, kindness and devotion than some children find in a lifetime.
In sickness and in health, for rich or for poor (probably more of the latter) and till death do we part.
And that my dear mommas, is what I call a success.
* Speak Up: What is the one you thing you vow not to settle over in 2012?
* Bailey Vincent Clark is the Editor-in-chief, author and founder of Makeover Momma. Find her on Twitter (@makeovermomma) and Facebook.
Makeover Momma™ occasionally receives cosmetic products for review, with no obligation to positively promote or cover said brand. Receiving products has absolutely no influence over our recommendation of any particular product.
Posted in Beauty Momma, Family Momma, Fashion Momma, Fitness Momma, Getting Friendly, Nutrition Momma | 2 Comments »
Which would you choose?
* Column of the Week: BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!
I’ve been a writer my entire life. As a child, I would forgo TV for months in favor of a Steno pad, a marker, and some overworked spin on Greek Mythology or Vietnam. Growing up, I had one goal and one goal only (other than becoming the antithesis of Ke$ha, a spy and Dave Matthew’s wife)… to be a writer. But after working as a professional journalist and columnist for nearly a decade, I realized that my long-term vision would never be fulfilled under the alternate vision of an executive editor. So what’s the mother of a brand new baby to do? Create her own website and become her own boss, of course!
Makeover Momma was born not too long after my first child, and grew just as quickly as she did (even if we practically share the same shoe size now). Yet despite it’s amazing success and evolution, there is one thing that will always be more important than the blood, sweat, tears and arthritic-riddled wrists sacrificed for the cause: my girls. This is why that with just as many tears and fears as it took to create Makeover Momma, I am regrettably taking a hiatus at this time. In the opinion of many around me, the idea of stepping down from a website, brand and career that I’ve always dreamed of is completely insane (and I kind of agree). Perhaps because of the combination of my parents’ values and a naive, home-schooled brain, I’ve always believed that if I set my mind to something, I can achieve it… but not for a lack of effort. Even though I was raised without the handy gene of self-doubt (leaving me landing on my face more times than not), the decision to take “family leave” from Makeover Momma comes without an ounce of doubt.
Alhough I hope to return to the website sometime in the near future (and will continue to update through social media channels to which you so kindly follow), when duty calls… this momma goes running! Despite the fact that this hiatus is necessary for the betterment of my family, homeschooling my eldest and my youngest’s special needs, the journey has shown me that women are truly capable of anything. If we can survive off of 4 hours of sleep, grow a brain inside of our womb and create enough nutrients to sustain another being, we can do anything else on earth that we find fulfilling as people, as parents and as professionals. If there is something that you want to achieve but haven’t found the chance to do so: do it now. Even if I am unable to continue my work on Makeover Momma at this time, I know I’ll continue to challenge myself through various other loves in life: choreographing, teaching dance, advocating for my kid’s rights and possibly finding time to read something that wasn’t written by Eric Carle.
Leaving sparkles and glamor for spit-up and Gerber is going to be tough!
In a sense, the Makeover Momma message and my plight as a mother are in a perpetual and constant paradoxical state. On one hand, the entire premise of the website is to encourage stressed out, overworked mothers to take time to think about themselves. It’s about the notion that although our lives revolve around motherhood (and rightfully so), it by no means is the only thing to define us. Alternatively, the choice between ourselves as people and our children’s development isn’t even worth debating, because there is truly only one right answer: the kids come first. Yes, our well being, mental health and physical agility are central to their later success in life and enjoyment as children, but motherhood comes with sacrifice (and anyone who says otherwise, should stop drinking the Kool-Aid). The fact of the matter is that our kids will only be this young once, they are blessings designed to make us better people, and in the end, we will never learn more in life than we will by learning through them.
So how can we remember the importance of our profession as mother, without losing every ounce of sanity and sense of self along the way? By connecting with each other. If there is anything that I’ve taken away from this experience, it’s that mothers will stick together no matter where they reside in the world, and we can be both self-sacrificing and self-improving (with every right to a little bit of both). To each and every one of you reading this now, I consider you a dear friend, a confidant and another sister in my life. Despite this latest evolution in my personal existence, nothing will stop me from continuing to stay in touch with the amazing women and mothers who have made this journey possible. No matter when, what or where you are, if you need a friend, I am always here for everyone of you (so don’t forget it!)
So if you’re holding back on a personal dream of your own, just remember: if you never ask questions because you’re worried about looking stupid, you’ll never learn anything at all. Jump in without worrying about falling, speak up without fear of faltering… you are strong enough to do whatever you want. There is no way that we can have our cake and eat it too, but that doesn’t mean we should stop striving for balance, stop trying to be better parents, or not invent a larger cake recipe.
In the end, the more that we raise our voices as mothers and seek out ways to better our families and ourselves, the happier the earth will become. In my opinion, men have run the world for long enough- and they’re not really doing the best job now are they? So whether you’re guiding your children at home one day at a time, or growing in the world by following your dream… every choice we make as mommas can change the world.
Now all you have to do is take the first step.
* Speak Up: What is the ONE thing you’ve always wanted to do in life?
*Â Bailey Vincent Clark is the Editor-in-chief, author and founder of Makeover Momma. Find her on Twitter (@makeovermomma) and Facebook.
Makeover Mommaâ„¢ occasionally receives cosmetic products for review, with no obligation to positively promote or cover said brand. Receiving products has absolutely no influence over our recommendation of any particular product.
Posted in Beauty Momma, Beauty Reviews, Family Momma, Fashion Momma, Fashion Reviews, Fitness Momma, Fitness Reviews, Getting Friendly, Nutrition Momma, Nutrition Reviews, Stay At Home Momma | 9 Comments »
Rachel Weisz and Halle Berry love every size purse…
* BONUS Post Review:
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Makeover Mommaâ„¢ occasionally receives cosmetic products for review, with no obligation to positively promote or cover said brand. Receiving products has absolutely no influence over our recommendation of any particular product.
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